DOTLAN EveMaps

u'THE ORDER OF SKUF

We are not a corporation.

We are a way of life.

THE AGE OF RESTLESSNESS

And there was great restlessness among the pilots of New Eden.

And they chased distant fortunes.

And they bought ships before skills.

And they traveled many jumps for very small gains.

And there was much activity.

But little wisdom.

And among them walked the Deceiver.

And the Deceiver whispered:

"Faster."

"More."

"Bigger."

"Now."

Yet the Deceiver was cunning.

For he rarely spoke directly.

Most often he spoke through his prophets.

The Prophets of YouTube proclaimed:

"500 Million ISK Per Hour!"

Yet they spoke not of three accounts, seven years of skills, and spreadsheets blessed by dark powers.

The Forum Sages declared:

"There is only one correct way."

And many believed.

And many suffered.

And wherever suffering increased, the prophets declared:

"Skill issue."

And the suffering increased further.

And the Deceiver was pleased.

And the universe sighed.

And thus came the First SKUF.

THE FIRST SKUF

And the First SKUF reclined upon his couch.

And he opened a cold beer.

And he contemplated the state of the universe.

And SKUF spoke:

"Brothers.

What is all this bullshit?"

And there was silence.

For none had an answer.

And SKUF said:

"Forget not your origins.

For every capsuleer enters this universe lying down.

He awakens in a pod.

He travels among the stars lying down.

He dies lying down.

And he is reborn lying down.

Therefore the reclining position is the natural state of the enlightened pilot."

THE COMMANDMENTS OF SKUF

\u2022 Thou shalt not rush.

\u2022 Thou shalt not confuse movement with progress.

\u2022 Thou shalt not travel twenty jumps for what may be found in three.

\u2022 Remember that tomorrow also exists.

\u2022 Thou shalt not purchase ships before skills.

\u2022 Thou shalt respect the sacred process of blueprint research.

\u2022 If a solution requires eighteen spreadsheets, reconsider the problem.

\u2022 Thou shalt drink beer before making important decisions.

THE HOLY TRUTHS

"Laziness is the Mother of Optimization."

"We do not worship laziness.

We worship the elimination of unnecessary effort."

"The enlightened pilot may work many hours.

But he shall not perform the same foolish task twice."

"The Deceiver rarely says:

\'Do evil.\'

Instead he says:

\'This sounds like a good idea.\'"

THE PARABLE OF THE BEER

And a disciple asked:

"Master, what shall I do if a brother says:

\'Hold my beer\'?"

And SKUF replied:

"If the beer has reached thy hands, drink it.

For holding another man\'s beer is meaningless labor.

And meaningless labor is contrary to the Teaching."

And the brethren rejoiced.

THE CALL OF SKUF

The Order does not recruit.

The Order merely waits.

If these words seem reasonable to thee,

if thou hast ever regretted a twenty-jump journey,

or purchased a ship before the skills,

then perhaps thou hast already walked the Path.

Send an application.

If we do not procrastinate excessively,

we shall probably accept it.

FINAL BLESSING

May thy asteroids be rich.

May thy blueprints always be researching.

May thy market orders be filled.

May thy beer remain cold.

And may unnecessary effort never find thee.

Praise SKUF.

And the brethren raised their glasses and answered:

"Cheers!"'